My sheets look like a crime scene.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
