matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
