I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
