so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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