im about as happy as oj after his trial
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
