so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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