Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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