She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
