i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
