I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
