i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
