i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
