Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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