Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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