omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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