i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
