Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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