I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
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Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
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I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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