He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
