I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
