A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
