I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
