Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
