Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
