yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
