This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
