Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
