No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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