Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
