he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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