Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
