why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
