I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours