sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?