Texts From Last Night

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  (905): View more from Toronto

  In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience

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  (905): In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience http://tfl.nu/48b7
  Replies (125) Good night (5880) Bad night (1411)
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  (619): View more from California

  went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.

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  (619): went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation. http://tfl.nu/zdno
  Replies (27) Good night (8013) Bad night (1318)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better

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  (215): We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better http://tfl.nu/6zww
  Replies (9) Good night (4225) Bad night (878)
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  (626): View more from California

  Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.

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  (626): Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment. http://tfl.nu/ewer
  Replies (10) Good night (2881) Bad night (1260)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool

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  (817): Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool http://tfl.nu/oo5b
  Replies (5) Good night (1088) Bad night (2623)
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  (716): View more from New York

  do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth

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  (716): do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth http://tfl.nu/ncht
  Replies (13) Good night (1296) Bad night (3298)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend

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  (920): I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend http://tfl.nu/kstp
  Replies (4) Good night (2865) Bad night (935)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night

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  (503): im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night http://tfl.nu/l78r
  Replies (4) Good night (2859) Bad night (844)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.

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  (303): Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures. http://tfl.nu/miux
  Replies (7) Good night (634) Bad night (2010)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.

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  (201): In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye. http://tfl.nu/tv9w
  Replies (7) Good night (827) Bad night (1441)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.

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  (845): Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right. http://tfl.nu/xf55
  Replies (5) Good night (1089) Bad night (476)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick

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  (770): I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick http://tfl.nu/l70j
  Replies (3) Good night (967) Bad night (674)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.

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  (646): Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini. http://tfl.nu/wt6x
  Replies (3) Good night (828) Bad night (335)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!

  (847): View more from Illinois

  1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us

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  (815): WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?! (847): 1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us http://tfl.nu/rdej
  Replies (1) Good night (1051) Bad night (429)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again

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  (212): Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again http://tfl.nu/l6pw
  Replies (1) Good night (365) Bad night (679)

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