I smell stomach acid.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
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i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.