Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works

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(518): View more from New York

I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....

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(770): View more from Georgia

Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(778): View more from British Columbia

you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.

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(563): View more from Iowa

Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.

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(661): View more from California

Are you okay?

(1-661): View more from California

I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours

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