I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?