Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting

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  (401): I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting http://tfl.nu/c988
  Replies (2) Good night (833) Bad night (957)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.

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  (303): The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period. http://tfl.nu/nrl7
  Replies (6) Good night (2200) Bad night (753)
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  (+93): View more from

  woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!

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  (+93): woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge! http://tfl.nu/6tpc
  Replies (22) Good night (732) Bad night (2340)
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  (585): View more from New York

  bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning

  (1-585): View more from New York

  oh god.. jail?

  (585): View more from New York

  better, on the catwalk of the auditorium

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  (585): bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning (1-585): oh god.. jail? (585): better, on the catwalk of the auditorium http://tfl.nu/ulvj
  Replies (22) Good night (8789) Bad night (800)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?

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  (775): Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy? http://tfl.nu/1eeo
  Replies (33) Good night (4944) Bad night (2383)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place

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  (940): now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place http://tfl.nu/nwqq
  Replies (9) Good night (1326) Bad night (4670)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.

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  (252): Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master. http://tfl.nu/donr
  Replies (7) Good night (1190) Bad night (1874)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.

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  (501): Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend. http://tfl.nu/du0y
  Replies (7) Good night (3253) Bad night (674)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.

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  (217): Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again. http://tfl.nu/k53k
  Replies (9) Good night (1532) Bad night (624)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.

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  (208): Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult. http://tfl.nu/xgis
  Replies (2) Good night (594) Bad night (840)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.

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  (506): Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies. http://tfl.nu/zmgn
  Replies (2) Good night (1536) Bad night (589)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.

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  (828): you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire. http://tfl.nu/efxs
  Replies (7) Good night (1602) Bad night (534)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.

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  (+44): The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar. http://tfl.nu/70b2
  Replies (6) Good night (393) Bad night (1121)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study

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  (210): Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study http://tfl.nu/cecl
  Replies (3) Good night (449) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever

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  (410): I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever http://tfl.nu/pekg
  Replies (1) Good night (675) Bad night (320)

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