Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
