I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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