So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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