Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
