she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?