i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
