she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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