Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
