I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
