just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
