tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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