I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Ketchup is God's man juice
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize