toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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