Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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