Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
