i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
