it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I think i got beer on your cat.
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