I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
