How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize