You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
