Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
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I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
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They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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