Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
