why didn't you poke me back
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
