Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
