The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
that is very illegal...i love you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
