I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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