I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
