porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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