Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
