There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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