He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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