Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
