In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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