She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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