why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
